Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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