something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
