Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
