Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
