I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
