One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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