She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
