he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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