They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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