You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
