Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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