I just made out with a guy for $7.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
