i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
