their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
