i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
