Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
