all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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