so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
