After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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