drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
