Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
