wrigley field is MILF paradise
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
