I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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