Sponge bath it is.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
