waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
pray to the hookup gods
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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