Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just had sex bonerless
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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