I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
