I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
