my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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