She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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