she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
