Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
