And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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