Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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