have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
