hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
