ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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