...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
