if i died would you start the facebook group?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
