after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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