We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He shit in the fireplace
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
