Kiss
Puke
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
