Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I need moral support for this bender
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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