my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
