Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
