so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
