If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
