i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
