hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
