That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
