I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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