i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
