You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
