dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
